Divorce at Altitude: A Podcast on Colorado Family Law

Empowering Women During and After Divorce with Hasana Elamin | Episode 135

December 29, 2022 Ryan Kalamaya & Amy Goscha
Divorce at Altitude: A Podcast on Colorado Family Law
Empowering Women During and After Divorce with Hasana Elamin | Episode 135
Show Notes Transcript

To transcend your circumstances, you have to change your mindset. Today’s guest is a divorce coach helping women to regain control of their lives and set the boundaries necessary to thrive. Hasana Elamin draws on her own experience of beating the odds and leaving a toxic marriage to lead women through relationship loss and all that it entails.

Tune in today to hear her story and the insights she imparts on her clients, with the unique perspective of having gone through a religious divorce process with a narcissistic partner. Hasana’s work as a wellness and fitness coach centers around boundary-setting and self work, and she leaves listeners with a reminder never to underestimate the power of finding support and guidance in your life. To learn more about working with Hasana or to download her ebook, click here.

Key Points From This Episode:

  • Hasana's history of getting divorced as an expat in a country where she was not able to work.
  • The process of transformation while in the marriage before the divorce proceedings.
  • What the conditions of her marriage were before she left.
  • What it was like to navigate a transformation with six children. 
  • Bringing positivity to children with a toxic co parent.
  • The religious process of divorce.
  • How she built a separate life for herself and her children while she was stuck in the marriage.
  • Her background in wellness and fitness coaching.
  • Parallels between the circumstances of her marriage and those of her clients.
  • Legal steps following the religious divorce that Hasana went through.
  • Timelines for the divorce and custody proceedings.
  • The status of child support.
  • Advice to divorced women on setting boundaries for safety and strength.
  • What her approach looks like when she takes on new clients. 
  • Hasana's market and where they find her.
  • The step-by-step guide she has created in her ebook to help women move through relationship loss.
  • Her work with people at all stages of divorce and post-divorce.
  • How Hasana structures her eight-week coaching program to help women heal, reprogram and maintain a new mindset.
  • Why it is so important to get people out of a victim mentality.

What is Divorce at Altitude?

Ryan Kalamaya and Amy Goscha provide tips and recommendations on issues related to divorce, separation, and co-parenting in Colorado. Ryan and Amy are the founding partners of an innovative and ambitious law firm, Kalamaya | Goscha, that pushes the boundaries to discover new frontiers in family law, personal injuries, and criminal defense in Colorado.

To subscribe to Divorce at Altitude, click here and select your favorite podcast player. To subscribe to Kalamaya | Goscha's YouTube channel where many of the episodes will be posted as videos, click here. If you have additional questions or would like to speak to one of our attorneys, give us a call at 970-429-5784 or email us at info@kalamaya.law.



Ryan Kalamaya (3s):
Hey everyone. I'm Ryan Kalamaya.

Amy Goscha (6s):
And I'm Amy Goscha

Ryan Kalamaya (8s):
Welcome to the Divorce at Altitude. A Podcast on Colorado. Family Law.

Amy Goscha (13s):
Divorce is not easy. It really sucks. Trust me I. know Besides. being an experienced divorce attorney, I'm also a Divorce client.

Ryan Kalamaya (20s):
Whether you are someone considering divorce or a fellow family law attorney, listen in for weekly tips and insight into topics related to Divorce co-parenting and Separation in Colorado.

Amy Goscha (35s):
Good afternoon, Welcome Back to another episode of Divorce at Altitude. I'm Amy Goscha. And. I. Have the pleasure of having a guest with me today. Hasana How, are you doing today?

Hasana Elamin (47s):
I'm great. Thank you for asking.

Amy Goscha (49s):
Great. Yeah. So, can you tell me, just, you know a little bit about yourself, you know, who are you, you know, what is your background?

Hasana Elamin (57s):
Okay, well I'm Hasana Lain. And. I am a Divorce coach. I love helping women to overcome overwhelm, gain clarity, and create the life of their dreams. My history is actually, I am divorced. And I became divorced while living overseas as an expat.

Amy Goscha (1m 20s):

Hasana Elamin (1m 21s):
I was living there for about 16 years. Around the end of those 16 years, I actually found myself divorced in a country where I was not able to work. It wasn't really that the country didn't allow women to work, but because of the person that I came there under, they normally would have it as if when you're an expat, whoever they hired to work there, that's the person that's allowed to work. So if you come as a family member or just anyone with them, you're not allowed to work.

Amy Goscha (1m 51s):
So how did you, you know, like when you're facing that situation, how did you kind of crawl out of that, you know, that situation? Like what were some of the things that you started doing?

Hasana Elamin (2m 1s):
Well, honestly, I was, two years prior to the actual Divorce taking place, I had already began to start trying to just reprogram my mind because at that point I had learned about the, the subconscious mind and the Conscious mind and limiting the leaves. And so I had already started to begin a journey of just transforming myself even while I was still in the marriage. So by the time the actual Divorce took place, I just, I dug in even deeper. And I just started to be everything that I could get my hands on as far as my programming, how to get rid of limiting beliefs, how to develop a positive mindset.

Hasana Elamin (2m 42s):
And I just began to apply it. I began to apply it because it was very easy for me to see, okay, well I have these type of thoughts and this is how my life looks. So I knew I could see the correlation between the way that I was thinking and the way my life was

Amy Goscha (3m 1s):
So. can you give me a little bit of background on the dynamic between you and your husband at the time? Like what kind of dynamic was going on in your marriage?

Hasana Elamin (3m 11s):
Oh, that's a deep question. There was a lot. He had a lot of narcissistic tendencies. He was abusive mentally, sometimes physically, definitely, emotionally, and actually very much financially. So I was dealing with an array of different things with him.

Amy Goscha (3m 31s):
And let's touch on that actually. you know, cuz when people think about, you know, like abuse, they think first of physical, then they think of emotional. But we're seeing a lot of like financial abuse and control over finances, you know? Yes. Like I see that a lot in my cases. And it sounds like that's something that also happened to you.

Hasana Elamin (3m 49s):
Yes. Like I wasn't, when it came to money, I had to have a good reason to actually be able to have some of it. And you know, at any time if you, if I did anything that he was not pleased with, which really was not hard to do because you know, the way that these type of people think, almost anything you do is an issue. He would with hope. He with hope.

Amy Goscha (4m 11s):
Yeah. And, we haven't touched on this, but you're also a mother, is that correct?

Hasana Elamin (4m 14s):
Yes, yes, yes. I'm a mother of six children.

Amy Goscha (4m 18s):
Yeah. And at the time, you know, how did you deal with that? Like with your kid, your children, you started doing all this kind of self work, but what are some things that you started doing in relation with your children?

Hasana Elamin (4m 31s):
That's an excellent question. With my children, for the ones that were open to it, I began to have them listen to meditations or affirmations or just recite affirmations because I knew from them being in that environment and just the way that the subconscious mind works, that I had to begin to reprogram them as well. So my older sons were not as open to it, but my younger children were more so And. I would just let the meditations play at night and just, I began to just talk to them, you know, for as much as I could considering their age and just explain to them how, you know, everything worked with their mind. So they began reprogramming as well.

Amy Goscha (5m 13s):
Yeah. So you really became the parent that could, you know, cuz I, I think we see this a lot of times with children of Divorce. Like usually if they have at least one parent that kind of can be more of like the stable parent, then they usually end up, you know, okay. It's hard. Can you talk about, you know, like How, are you able to help bring positivity to your children when you're combating against someone who is bringing, you know what I'll call like toxicity to, you know, the Parenting?

Hasana Elamin (5m 44s):
Well, one thing that I had begun to do before, even before the Divorce had taken place, I kind of began to build like a separate life in a way for me and for my children for as much as I could. So two years before the Divorce happened, because religiously, the way the Divorce normally would work is there a man ha can Divorce his wife three times. But two of those times, if he divorces her and he chooses to take her back, he can.

Amy Goscha (6m 14s):

Hasana Elamin (6m 15s):
Okay. So honestly, we probably had I, don know, I think maybe we had like seven or 10 times that he actually really called the Divorce. Okay. But he wouldn't fess up to them. And because from a religious perspective, a woman can't get a Divorce, but if he calls a Divorce, he's in charge of taking care of how many divorces, like keeping count of that. So it was kind of up to him. So it was really more than three times. But the times that I was willing, I counted at that time he had already called a Divorce already two times. And those two times he could decide to take me back.

Hasana Elamin (6m 57s):
But that third time when he did it the second time, that's when I, I separated rooms. Okay. So at this point, I'm in the back of the house near my children. My room is near them So. that made it much easier for me to put more of a boundary. So if I would hear him coming, if my children would hear 'em coming, we would just close our door. We all close our door. So I kind of began to put up boundaries and my children began to do their best to try to protect themselves. So if they knew he was coming, they would just close their door And, we would try to do things together.

Hasana Elamin (7m 38s):
Like we kind of I don know. It was kinda like we built a team.

Amy Goscha (7m 42s):
Yeah. We

Hasana Elamin (7m 43s):
Built a team to protect ourselves and support ourselves from him. So I would say that was kind of how, how I dealt with it was just us being as separated from him. As, we could be considering the circumstances.

Amy Goscha (7m 57s):
Yeah. And if you know anything about narcissistic personality disorder, that's one thing that is highlighted is to start setting boundaries, you know, with that person. So it sounds like that was kind of the start of you setting boundaries.

Hasana Elamin (8m 10s):
Right. And then we also, we would talk about it. We would talk about it in our interactions with him And. we just learned not to feed into it, learn how to ignore things and just learn how to become more mentally strong So that we could handle him in a better way.

Amy Goscha (8m 29s):
Yeah. So take me just, you know, like from that point forward, like to getting divorced, you know, how did you kind of transcend all of this and how did you make it so your children were able to transcend all of it?

Hasana Elamin (8m 44s):
I would say a lot of prayer. First prayer and then after that, just talking to them a lot, letting 'em know that, you know, I'm, I'm there for them, them that we are gonna be okay. And just trying to teach them the importance of just reprogramming their minds and just giving them hope for a better future. Like they were able to see me taking steps to try to get out of the situation.

Amy Goscha (9m 11s):
Yeah. So when did it become clear to you that you ha you had a vision to become a life coach and a Divorce coach?

Hasana Elamin (9m 19s):
Me and coaching. Honestly, coach, being a coach was not something that's n was new for me because I already was doing health and wellness coaching. I'm a personal trainer, a Pilates instructor. So I was always doing, or trying to do some form of coaching. But it became clear to me that I definitely wanted to specialize in Divorce coaching and life coaching, relationship coaching. Once I had my Divorce. Because once I got divorced, there were other women that were around me who were already used to seeing me in the role of just wellness coach, you know, fitness coach. And they were like, you know, now I see that your mindset is so different.

Hasana Elamin (9m 60s):
you know, they were like, now not only are you keeping us, like before you kept us, our bodies fit, but now you keep helping us to keep our minds fit. Yeah. And some of them were in the same type of situations with, you know, narcissistic spouses. So they started to come to me because before I was helping them, you know, become fit and have a fit body. And now I'm talking to them about, okay, get your mind in shape, get your thoughts in shape, get your emotions in shape. So they felt like now you're helping us to train our minds.

Amy Goscha (10m 34s):
Right. And you said also that a lot of the women that were coming to were in kind of dysfunctional relationships. Yes. Talk, talk to me about that.

Hasana Elamin (10m 44s):
Yes, they were, a lot of them were in dysfunctional relationships. And believe it or not, many of them were in the marriages about as long as I had been in mine. Oh wow. Very close. And some of them even worse because some of them were even got married when they were teenagers, they were a teenager and this person would, you know, their spouse was a grown man. So this was a lot of programming. They got to them at, I thought that my situation was bad because I got married at 21 And. I felt like, okay, well my brain was definitely not fully developed at that point. Right. But these women, they were teenagers, you know, teenagers. So, you know, their brain was nowhere near developed. So this man had so many years to, to train them and, and mold them how they wanted them to be.

Amy Goscha (11m 28s):
Right. So then did people start just coming to you for kind of more life coaching as well?

Hasana Elamin (11m 35s):
Yes. Yes. They just started, it started out more, I would say more people were coming in reference to just relationship advice or just, just talking to me about what was going on in their marriages because they knew that I would understand because of what I had just went through. Right. And was still going through. Because again, even though I was divorced, there was more steps to it because one, from a religious perspective, my ex-husband had said the Divorce, but he didn't do the legal aspect of the Divorce. Oh. So I had to take, I had to take initiative with that part.

Amy Goscha (12m 7s):
Yeah. So tell me, and just for our listeners, what happened after, I guess you had the religious Divorce. What were the steps after that to kind of do the legal piece?

Hasana Elamin (12m 17s):
Okay, so after I had the religious Divorce, I waited quite a a while because it was around the Corona time. And you know, I was just nervous about going out. And I hadn't gotten a vaccine yet. And it, where I was, they were making it So that you couldn't even go to any of the government buildings if you did not have the vaccination. So I didn't do it right away, but when I did get around to doing it, I actually went to a place where I actually filed, I had to pay, and then they would push up the date to make it be a faster process than if I actually would've just went to the courthouse myself. So the first time I did that, it didn't even go through the first time they actually dropped my case.

Amy Goscha (12m 59s):
Oh my gosh.

Hasana Elamin (12m 59s):
With no explanation whatsoever. No explanation whatsoever. They dropped the case. So then I waited a while. I said I waited like a month or two because I was just like, you know, just asking the creator like, okay, is this a sign that you don't want me to do this right now? Because there was a lot of uncertainty for me because one, I didn't know if they would allow me to even stay in the country once I got the Divorce. Yeah. And financially I really wasn't ready to be on my own yet. And my family in America, they weren't able to, you know, help me.

Amy Goscha (13m 35s):

Hasana Elamin (13m 36s):
So I really needed to have everything together. So at first I waited about two lumps or so before I tried again. And, but then the second time I tried, they actually gave the court date. And honestly I was very happy with the judge. The judge was very understanding, very upset. He was very upset. He was not, he wasn't hearing any of my ex-husband's excuses whatsoever. and he gave the Divorce very, very easily. But then after that, it's not like America where they handle everything. I believe they handle everything all at one time. The custody, the Divorce. Right. Everything in this country, it was more so I had to do the Divorce.

Hasana Elamin (14m 18s):
And then after the Divorce I had to file for custody. And then after the custody they went to child support. So they were all three separate cases.

Amy Goscha (14m 26s):
So how long did

Hasana Elamin (14m 27s):
It take? Actually, there was a fourth case, actually there was a fourth case because he had the documents of my children. And of course I couldn't leave the country without those.

Amy Goscha (14m 35s):
Yeah. So how long did that process, the legal process take with all those different like court filings or cases?

Hasana Elamin (14m 42s):
To be honest with you though, it's still not done. Oh, the, no, the custody and the Divorce, that was pretty fast. I would say like maybe that was, was about, let's say, from the time I did it, maybe three months for, no, I say the Divorce maybe two months. And then the custody, I would say maybe a month.

Amy Goscha (15m 7s):
And then when did you leave the country?

Hasana Elamin (15m 10s):
The support is still ongoing. Ok. This is a different, this is a different judge. And, I'm really not sure what's going on. But that case has been rescheduled at least eight times. This is the eighth time.

Amy Goscha (15m 23s):

Hasana Elamin (15m 23s):
My gosh. He just has, he has not dealt with it. He finds a reason to push it up.

Amy Goscha (15m 28s):
So what's the status now? Like are you still living in that country or are you back in the us

Hasana Elamin (15m 34s):
No, actually I moved, I moved to actually my dream place.

Amy Goscha (15m 39s):

Hasana Elamin (15m 41s):
Honestly, I moved to a very nice place in Cairo, Egypt.

Amy Goscha (15m 45s):
Oh, that is really cool.

Hasana Elamin (15m 46s):
Me and my children.

Amy Goscha (15m 48s):
Yeah. And How. are you children? Yeah. How. are you kids doing now?

Hasana Elamin (15m 52s):
They're good. They're good. They're happy. They're enjoying where we are. Meeting people, going places. They're, they're enjoying it. They, we feel very free.

Amy Goscha (16m 4s):
That's good. Okay. So, you know, we'll talk more about your Divorce coaching, but I am curious And I know listeners would be curious, you know, How are you doing now? Like how are, like, and what's your ex-husband's involvement with your children? Any advice for people who have kind of gotten through the Divorce process? And then you know, what, as you're setting up your life, you know, like anything that you can tell our listeners?

Hasana Elamin (16m 28s):
I would say that if you have to do with a spouse, especially if they are ex-spouse rather, especially if they're narcissistic, to set up as many boundaries as you can to keep you safe and to keep your children safe and to keep you mentally strong and emotionally strong. That's actually a module in the program that I built for divorced women is setting boundaries. Cause it's just very important So that you don't spiral and get back into that mode. Because normally when dealing with certain types of people, there is a pattern. And when you deal with them, it's very easy to fall back into that pattern that you guys had together, even once it's over.

Amy Goscha (17m 9s):
Right. Can you gimme an example of like a boundary that you've been able to set?

Hasana Elamin (17m 13s):
One boundary that I've been able to say is honestly no contact unless it's absolutely necessary. Honestly. Yeah. Like don don't, I don't give. And being straight to the point, like, if there's something that you need to speak to me about, and it's important, I'm not going to go back and forth with you. I'm gonna be, matter of fact, we're going to get to the point and that's it. I'm not gonna give you even one drop of my real emotional energy. It's just not happening.

Amy Goscha (17m 38s):
Yeah. And, I tell this to my clients. And it's not necessarily just with, you know, when you're dealing with narcissistic personality disorders, but I always think of marriage as, it's like you have this general partnership. Like, not that it's a business, but when you get divorced, you have this like limited partnership where you have your children and anything related to your children. Like, it really should just be focused on that. And if you're dealing with, you know, people with M P D, you know, that issue, you have to just be, like you said, matter of fact, very straightforward and set boundaries.

Hasana Elamin (18m 10s):
Because if you don't, especially for certain types of personalities, they'll pull you back into that. You'll be discussing the children and then the next thing you know, they're going back to. Yeah. Because when we were married, you did such and such. No, no, no.

Amy Goscha (18m 23s):
Well, and if you've dealt with this type of personality on the other side as a, you know, co-parent or ex spouse, you know, a lot of times you start realizing in their communication when they're trying to hook you back in, you know, to that communication to go down that spiral again. And so, do you sometimes recommend to people that with certain communications, they don't even really warrant a response? you know, there's certain communications that maybe they, you know, they, you set the boundary by not responding.

Hasana Elamin (18m 52s):
Absolutely. That's why I said if it's not urgent or something that needs to be dealt with, definitely just don't respond because they'll just try to pull you back into that whole thing. And it's just not healthy for you.

Amy Goscha (19m 4s):
Yeah. It's

Hasana Elamin (19m 5s):
Not healthy.

Amy Goscha (19m 5s):
Well, let's talk about, I know that you have an ebook, And I know that you, you know, have your Divorce coach, life coach business. Tell me about that and let's talk about kind of your approach with that.

Hasana Elamin (19m 17s):
My approach with my program is basically being able to take a woman who's maybe just been divorced and take her from that point of overwhelm and just not knowing really what to do, how to go about transforming her life and having the life that she envisioned for herself. So I start with dealing with your emotions, healing from emotional trauma, setting boundaries, finding out what it is you actually want, setting goals. And I just helped them to develop The, step by step plan to be able to build their dream life.

Hasana Elamin (19m 58s):
Because really honestly, those were the steps that I took for myself.

Amy Goscha (20m 3s):
And how do people, I know you're in Egypt, but how do people find you? Like, do you work with people all all over the world?

Hasana Elamin (20m 9s):
Absolutely. Absolutely. The majority of my work is online. Yes. It's online. And my market normally are people from the United States.

Amy Goscha (20m 19s):

Hasana Elamin (20m 19s):
That's, and other western countries. Absolutely. Absolutely. I also have an ebook called Eight Ways to Overcome and Deal With the Loss of Your Relationship.

Amy Goscha (20m 30s):
Yeah. Can you tell me, I saw that ebook, but can you just give the listeners a little bit of a summary as to what is included in that book?

Hasana Elamin (20m 38s):
Yes. It's basically just giving you the steps that you can take to be able to overcome Divorce or just even just the loss, loss of a relationship. And it's just The, step by step. Do this, do that to help you overcome and be able to move through it, be able to grow through it, move through it, and deal with your emotions because you do wanna deal with your emotions while still being able to overcome it.

Amy Goscha (21m 4s):
Yeah. And would you say that in the clients that you work with or, or that you coach, are some of them also like not just coaching them through the initial process, but after Divorce, do you coach people as well?

Hasana Elamin (21m 19s):
Absolutely. Actually not even just after we, even at the point where, because when I first started out, most of my clients were not, they were not divorced. They were still in the marriage. They were, some of them were not even separated.

Amy Goscha (21m 32s):

Hasana Elamin (21m 34s):
So, yes, while they're in the marriage, once they've, you know, newly divorced and even been divorced for quite a bit.

Amy Goscha (21m 41s):
Yeah. And then if someone works with you, And I know it's, you know, like every situation's kind of different. But walk the listeners through kind of what your process is like. Do you meet with them on a weekly basis? Like how do you structure your coaching?

Hasana Elamin (21m 56s):
My coaching program is an eight week program. And, I do one-on-one coaching with them.

Amy Goscha (22m 2s):

Hasana Elamin (22m 2s):
We do one-on-one for an hour. And I have exercises that we talk through And, we work through And. I also have things that is, is active that I want them to do once we're done. And these skills are skills in what they learn is what they can use for life skills that they can use for life to begin healing and reprogramming their minds in their mindsets. Not only that, but also I teach them how to actually maintain it.

Amy Goscha (22m 34s):
You know, I think of certain cases that I've had where, you know, like I really have helped some, you know, helped a woman get through to the next, you know, period of their life. Can you explain for our listeners, like what you've seen, like the positive results that you've seen from this eight week program?

Hasana Elamin (22m 51s):
That's a good one. One thing that I've seen is women who were, when I first started working with them, they were afraid they didn't know what to do. They weren't ready to take any steps. But once I worked with them and started to show them, look, this is a pattern. And the most important thing was helping them to take responsibility for the part that they played. Right. And get them out of the, out of the victim mentality. Yeah. Not to say that what they've dealt with is not, not to take anything away from what they, what they experienced.

Amy Goscha (23m 26s):

Hasana Elamin (23m 27s):
But just to get them to see, okay, you experienced this, but you do need to take some responsibility because at the end of the day, maybe you chose this person or you allow them to cross certain boundaries. Right.

Amy Goscha (23m 39s):

Hasana Elamin (23m 40s):
For me, seeing them come from that place of, in the beginning, they're overwhelmed. They don't know what to do. They're not taking responsibility. And then seeing them come to a place of empowerment where, you know what they're like, I'm going down to the office. I'll just filed for my Divorce. I'm, you know, setting up a business. I'm finding ways to be able to take care of me and my children. That's the most fulfilling apart from me. That's the most fulfilling part for me. That's what I love to see.

Amy Goscha (24m 8s):
Yeah. And I think that's great because it's, you know, a lot of times it's easy or not easy, but it's, it's hard to get people to see that if they're in the victim mentality, they can take a proactive role to get themselves out of that. And it sounds like that really, you know, you really help people do that through your program.

Hasana Elamin (24m 26s):
Yes, yes. Like mindset is, is so important. I know that for me, there was no way that I would've been able to transcend without changing my mindset. Because in the beginning I was a housewife. I didn't work anywhere, I didn't have any way to do anything financially. The only thing that I could do was work on my mindset. And once that started, that is when things began to change.

Amy Goscha (24m 51s):
Yeah. So how long do you think it took you just, you know, for women who are listening, like from kind of being housewife to being able to go through the Divorce, you know, start your own, you know, your business. Like, how long did that take for you to become like sufficient, like financially sufficient?

Hasana Elamin (25m 12s):
To become financially sufficient? I would say it took about two years.

Amy Goscha (25m 18s):

Hasana Elamin (25m 19s):
Honestly, two years. But from the point of Divorce to actually starting a business, like registering and everything, I would say to, well actually no, because I, I registered the business before I actually got divorced. So I would say the time from me changing my mindset to having to starting a business, I would say maybe that was about six months.

Amy Goscha (25m 43s):

Hasana Elamin (25m 44s):
And, I. And. I wanna say this too, also that I never thought that my ex-husband would ever Divorce me. I never thought that because he would use it as to, to play around with it. But I never thought he would.

Amy Goscha (26m 0s):
So when you say play around with it, meaning like he would always threaten Divorce.

Hasana Elamin (26m 4s):
Yes. Yes. So many times. But I, I never thought that he would do it again because it was the third time and that was the last time. But I believe that he became thoroughly convinced because of my mindset.

Amy Goscha (26m 21s):
Yeah. That you were done with.

Hasana Elamin (26m 23s):
Exactly. Exactly.

Amy Goscha (26m 25s):
Yeah. Exactly. Well, let's kind of wrap up with talking about, you know, the children involved. So you were able to change your mindset when you're dealing with people that you're coaching, women that you're coaching, what are some of the conversations that you're having? Because I'm sure that they have questions about how to deal with their children and dealing with a parent who is narcissistic.

Hasana Elamin (26m 50s):
One of the main things that I see a lot of my clients struggle with is their pull for, especially for the, the ones who, like family is like a top value for them. They kind of struggle between being able to have the children be safe while still wanting to have them connected with that the spouse, you know, with that other, with their spouse. That's what I see to be the most challenging for them in that type of situation. I try to just get them to look at what's the pattern between your spouse and and the children?

Hasana Elamin (27m 35s):
And how do your children feel when they deal with this person? What's the effect of them dealing with this person? you know, I try to get them to look at that, to see that how, what is it affecting your children when they deal with them.

Amy Goscha (27m 49s):
Yeah. And then do you also, I mean, it would seem to be that you also probably help women, your clients give their children tools on how to deal with that narcissistic parent.

Hasana Elamin (28m 3s):
I do, I do. Normally, to me, the biggest thing that I start with first before I even deal with the children, is getting them on the right. The proper mindset. Right. Right. Getting them on the proper mindset. And, I find that once I do that, it makes it easier for them to kind of be intuitive on knowing how to deal with their children. I do suggest tools for them, you know, that way they have a bit of variety.

Amy Goscha (28m 27s):

Hasana Elamin (28m 28s):
Some of them, they like to just have their, just have a session and just let their children just say, how are they feeling?

Amy Goscha (28m 35s):

Hasana Elamin (28m 36s):
Some of them, they prefer to write letters. I have them do the letter technique where they'll, they'll write a letter, they'll write out every, everything. They try to write out everything they're, they're feeling and then they'll tear it up, you know, just to be able to, to get their energy out. Other clients, I'll give them more like, okay, your child is dealing with this, your child is feeling like that. Okay, let's give them some affirmations. Yeah. Let's have them recite these other times if they're more open to it. Cuz some everyone doesn't like meditations, especially nightly meditations. But if they're open to it. Right, okay. Let them listen to this, this healing meditation.

Amy Goscha (29m 13s):
You And I talked about how, like before we started recording, even that you have a four-year-old, I have a four-year-old, how do you deal with, you know, four-year-olds? Because I like that idea of, you know, like writing it out, but they're not really at the age yet where they're like really writing things out. Like what are some recommendations for like, women who have younger children, you know, some things that, tools that they could use that are more intuitive.

Hasana Elamin (29m 37s):
Honestly, for me, like for my younger children and what I recommend for them, because sometimes it can be challenging to get them to understand, you know, everything. Yeah. Is, I like to use like just general meditations for them at night and just general ones like, I'm healing, I'm healthy, I'm worthy. Just the, the basic ones that honestly most people struggle with. Most people have limiting beliefs when it comes to their value, their worth, and just feeling good enough. So I start with, for the children with basic meditations, nightly meditations, you can, you know, just put it on your, on your laptop or your phone. And. I. Have them listen in that way.

Hasana Elamin (30m 17s):
And then any questions that they have, I try to answer just as honestly as I can without, you don't wanna damage them by saying anything negative. Yeah. But I an you answer as as honestly as as you can.

Amy Goscha (30m 31s):
Yeah, exactly. I mean, I have, for my son, it's called a meditation turtle and it is, they're like simple meditations and he can like flut various ones. Like one is about gratitude, but at the end of it it always says like, you are a good kid. you know, like, I just think And I

Hasana Elamin (30m 48s):
Like that,

Amy Goscha (30m 49s):
You know, it sounds so simple, but for them, you know, like they need to hear that. And when they're dealing with conflict or maybe a parent that might not be saying that they're a good kid, you know, like they need to hear those things. So,

Hasana Elamin (31m 3s):
And that's a, you're right, you're absolutely right about that because that's another thing, like you just wanna try to build them up as much as you can. you know yourself. Like I give my youngest child, I give him meditation, I give him affirmations and he says them, you know, he says them so you know, you know, they, they can speak. So just like they can say other things, they can say positive things too.

Amy Goscha (31m 24s):
Yeah. Well, thank you. I mean, just to wrap up, is there any, just, I guess, you know, like any last advice that you would give to someone who is considering, you know, like that needs a life coach, that needs a Divorce coach. you know, like anything that you would wanna say to them?

Hasana Elamin (31m 42s):
Don't underestimate the value of having someone to support you and guide you and help to walk you through your process. I know for me, when I was going through Divorce, I actually looked online for, well actually before I even got divorced, I was actually looking for someone to help me, like to guide me through the process. I didn't find anything then maybe I wasn't ready yet because now it seems to be, you know, all over. But yeah, you know, never underestimate the value of receiving the support that you need. It's no shame in that. Yeah. It's no shame in that at all. I agree at all. Like have someone, whether it's, even if it's not a coach, you know, even if it's just a, a therapist or a therapist and a coach, because the functions are different, the therapist will help you work through your emotions where a coach will help you be able to move on and move past it.

Amy Goscha (32m 37s):
Yeah. Like to execute

Hasana Elamin (32m 38s):
On the right to execute. Because a lot of times we, we have beliefs that we don't even know that we have that limit us.

Amy Goscha (32m 46s):
Yeah, absolutely. Well, thank you so much for all of our listeners. What's the best way, like if they wanted to reach out and schedule a session with you, what's the best way for them to get a hold of you?

Hasana Elamin (32m 57s):
Oh, the best way to get ahold of me would be to go to my website, which is www dot Hasana, spelled H A S A N a, Elamin, E L A M I n.com. And actually you can book a transformational session with me. I have made space available for at least 10 transformational calls, so you can feel free to book a call with me. And. I would, I would love to speak with you and help you.

Amy Goscha (33m 27s):
Oh, well thanks Hasana. I really appreciate your time today. you know, like what you said is very Empowering to women and these types of situations, so thank you for the work that you're doing to help me. Thank

Hasana Elamin (33m 37s):
You. I appreciate being guest. Thank you. It's my pleasure.

Amy Goscha (33m 41s):
Yeah. Thank you

Ryan Kalamaya (33m 42s):
Hey, everyone, this is Ryan again. Thank you for joining us on Divorce at Altitude. If you found our tips, insight, or discussion helpful, please tell a friend about this podcast. For show notes, additional resources or links mentioned on today's episode, visit Divorce at Altitude dot com. Follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen in. Many of our episodes are also posted on YouTube. You can also find Amy And me at Kalamaya dot law or 9 7 0 3 15 2 365. That's K A M A Y A.